


Laugh It Up

by TheVagabondBoy



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Fake AH Crew, Humor, Jokes, Masks, Post heist, dont read it, its just idiotic, its so dumb, this is so stupid, you might laugh but youll hate me, youll hate me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-28 16:21:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10136372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVagabondBoy/pseuds/TheVagabondBoy
Summary: Ryan takes his mask off for the first time.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This story is unrelated to my other FAHC series, Renaissance Man. This is a stand-alone little piece of humor.

As if having collectively held their breath all day, everyone let out tired sighs of relief as they collapsed onto the couches in the living room.

The job was,  _ for once, _ a total success. They had been planning it for months so  _ it fucking better have been. _ It was in and out, no fussing about. Hell, there was only one instance of gunfire, which had been aimed at the ceiling to get the attention of the civilians and put them down to the floor.

So as soon as the penthouse door closed behind them, they pulled out the alcohol, called for pizza, and fell onto the couches. A well deserved celebration. Yes, normally they would be tearing the city up to celebrate their success, but for once, everyone was too tired for it. The big parties could wait until after they all had a good night’s sleep behind them

*

Michael lay splayed out on the floor, a big pillow under his head and a straw going from his mouth to his bottle of beer. Gavin lay with his head resting on Michaels midsection, adopting the straw tactic to get at his drink as well. They had ceased their playful arguing for once in a blue moon. Jeremy sat in one of the couches, head back with his hideous hat drawn down over his eyes. If it wasn’t for how he occasionally sipped at his beer, they would think him already asleep. Ray took up the rest of that couch, DS in his hands and feet in Jeremy’s lap. He let out small noises now and then, reacting quietly to his game. Jack and Geoff occupied the second couch, cuddling up together under a blanket. Jack ran her hand over Geoff’s hair absentmindedly, painted nails scratching his scalp every now and then which elicited happy little sighs from the boss.

Ryan sat in the one lonely armchair. He had removed his jacket, showing the Crew that he was in fact becoming comfortable around them. There had been a few months where he had stubbornly kept it on at all time, no matter the setting. But he had indeed come to trust them. They had covered his six enough times that it was hard not to.

But so far, the mask still covered his face and his name was still a secret. He had considered taking it off, and telling them his name, several times, and had come very close to actually going through with it. Yet he hadn’t, because the time never seemed right.

“There’s a far-off place,” he began, which made everyone look up with curious eyes. ”-that consists of a perfectly triangular lake, surrounded by three kingdoms.”

Gavin sat up to be able to look over the coffee table at the Vagabond, Jeremy moved his hat from his eyes. The Vagabond didn’t speak often, and when he did, it was short and concise.

“The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with a wealthy and prosperous people.” Ryan continued. “The second kingdom is more humble, but had its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is small and poor and struggling, and has barely any armies.”

_ Where was this going? _ No one had any clue  _ what the hell _ he was talking about.

Ryan sipped slowly on his Coke through the straw, which went through a small hole at the mouth of the mask.

“Eventually, the kingdoms go to war over control of the lake, as it’s a valuable resource. The first kingdom sends a hundred of its finest knights, clad in the best armour and each with many personal squires. The second kingdom sends fifty of their knights, with fine leather armour and a few squires of their own. The third, and poorest, kingdom sends their one and only knight, who is an elderly warrior who had long since passed his prime, with his personal squire.”

He could see everyone dying with curiosity. Ray had long since looked away from his DS, and Michael had sat up as well. Jack and Geoff both stared at Ryan with wide eyes.

“The night before the big battle, the knights of the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. The knights of the second kingdom aren’t as well off, but have a good supply of grog so they drank late into the night as well.”

The lot of them were watching him as if enchanted. How could they  _ not? _ It was the first time they had heard him speak more than a few words at a time. No one moved a muscle, in fear that he may silence forever if interrupted.

“In the third camp, the ever faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose and hanging a pot from it. He fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.”

Perhaps it was a moral tale? Or...or something alluding to the Vagabonds own past? They didn’t know, but  _ dear God, did they want to. _

Gavin bit his tongue, stopping himself from telling the man to  _ just get on with it _ when he paused to sip his soda again.

“The next morning, the knights of the first two kingdoms are hungover and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, he too unable to fight.”

_ What then? What came next if the knights couldn’t fight? _

“So in place of the knights, the squires go to fight. The battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settles, only one squire remains; the squire from the third kingdom.”

It sounded more and more like some kind of moral tale, which was an odd thing to hear from the Vagabond, the most insane member of the Crew.

Though they didn’t spend much time thinking about it, when Ryan set his drink aside on the coffee table. He removed his mask in one move, letting loose his long sandy hair as well. After so long hiding under the mask and only looking at his friends through it, it was odd for Ryan as well. It was as if a new light had been shone at their faces. The mask did nothing to impair his vision, he had made sure of that, but still...removing it enabled him to look at them so much closer. He could see the details of their faces; the light freckles on Michael’s nose, the few hairs of Geoff’s moustache that hadn’t quite yielded to the styling wax, the smudges on Ray’s glasses.

If he had had any less control over himself, he would have blushed in embarrassment over having them stare at him like they were. Their eyes were like saucers and their mouths hung open.

“And  _ that _ , just goes to show that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.”

Ryan stood up, everyone’s eyes following him.

“My name is Ryan.” he said as he began to saunter out of the living room, mask in his hands. “Good night.”

Behind him, he could hear them break into laughter one after the other.

**Author's Note:**

> this was written in, like, an hour and its not edited or anything so take it for what it is. i remembered the joke then i just had to fucking do it. had to do it, yall, couldn't stop myself


End file.
